Day 10: “You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.” (Psalm 139:1-3)
These verses will forever will bring to mind a Rebecca St. James song simply titled Psalm 139 that really spoke to me during a hard time in my life. I had dropped out of college in my sophomore year to come back home for awhile. With academics being where I had put my identity, this was not an easy decision to make. Needless to say, I was quite lost for awhile but this song was one of the things that helped get me back on track spiritually. I can remember listening to it over and over and over again. Here are some of the lyrics:
“You search me
You know me
You see my every move
There’s nothing I could ever do
To hide myself from You
You know my thoughts
My fears and hurts
My weaknesses and pride
You know what I am going through
And how I feel inside
But even though You know
You will always love me
Even though You know
You’ll never let me go
I don’t deserve Your love
But you give it freely
You will always love me
Even though You know”
During this time, one thing I gleaned from these lyrics was that God knew everything about me – the good, the bad and the ugly – and He still loved me. Even when, or maybe especially when, I didn’t really love myself. That I could be truly known and also truly loved and accepted by someone was a concept I really needed to hear during that period of my life. And to realize that this someone was God helped change the way in which I began to perceive myself as well.
Now, Psalm 139 and these sentiments are something I still need to come back to from time to time to remind myself of the way in which God loves me. At times when I feel lonely or isolated I can cling to the knowledge that there is One who truly “gets me.” And that He isn’t put off my my perceived faults or doesn’t judge me harshly for all my issues. John 3:17 says, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” Sometimes I do pretty good job of condemning myself though!
So I think some of what these verses have taught me is that this self-condemnation is wrong and unhealthy. For if Jesus Christ, who loved me enough to die for me, accepts all of me then who am I to stand in His way? This idea is also seen in the following verse, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Therefore, this all-knowing and unconditional love is one I simply need to let wash over and transform me from the inside out.
“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.” (Psalm 139:1-3)